{"id":18637,"date":"2019-11-18T11:04:49","date_gmt":"2019-11-18T03:04:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/?p=18637"},"modified":"2019-11-18T11:04:49","modified_gmt":"2019-11-18T03:04:49","slug":"candle-in-the-storm-a-letter-to-my-parents","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/?p=18637","title":{"rendered":"CANDLE in the STORM: A letter to my parents"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Mummy and Daddy,<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you for never giving up on me. I don\u2019t think I would\u2019ve been able to get this far in my recovery from anorexia, without both of you by my side.<\/p>\n

You still love me even after everything I\u2019ve put you both through \u2013 all the tears, fights, the lies I told to your faces and all the stress. Sometimes I wonder what I did to continue to still deserve your love.<\/p>\n

But if there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve been meaning to tell you both, it\u2019s that\u2026no matter how hard you try, you\u2019ll never understand anorexia unless you\u2019ve gone through it yourself. I know you\u2019ve both been trying your very best to understand it \u2013 all the articles you\u2019ve been reading on the internet, all the documentaries you watched. I see the effort you both put in to understand. Mummy, Daddy, it\u2019s okay to stop trying. It\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve never gone to bed wishing the malnutrition from anorexia would kill you, you will never understand. If the empty feeling inside you has never felt like an accomplishment, you\u2019ll never understand. If you\u2019ve never felt that fear around food\u2026then you\u2019ll never understand.<\/p>\n

I know how hard you\u2019ve both tried \u2013 I saw you both stay strong when in reality, you were falling apart on the inside. I saw the helplessness in your eyes when no doctors were willing to take me on. I saw the pain in your eyes whenever you watched your first born daughter breakdown at each meal \u2013 accusing you for portioning out \u2018too much food\u2019 and trying to harm her.<\/p>\n

My recovery was just as hard for me as it was for you both.<\/p>\n

Mummy, Daddy, here\u2019s one thing I want you to know. Despite all the efforts you\u2019ve put in to understanding anorexia\u2026at the end of the day, I am so so so glad you\u2019ve both never come to understand it fully.<\/p>\n

Because going through anorexia (or any eating disorder) is something I never want anybody to have to experience. I thank God every day that both of you have never felt that \u201curge\u201d for control that\u2019ll eventually take over your life. Or felt like the most useless human in the world. I\u2019m glad you\u2019ve never had the feeling of wanting to die \u2013 knowing that your organs will start to fail sooner or later, yet tricking your malnourished mind that you\u2019re still in control. I\u2019m glad you\u2019ve both never had to experience the anxiety that comes from a starved brain\u2026a brain that fails to function\u2026or to think rationally.<\/p>\n

Thank God you both never ever have to understand.<\/p>\n

Through my recovery you\u2019ve both never failed to remind me of the girl I once was \u2013 never was there a day when you thought that I would not return to being the daughter you once knew. You both held my hand and walked with me through my recovery. Helping me up whenever I fell; just like when I was a little girl.<\/p>\n

Every time I felt remnants of my old self return to me again, it became a victory for all of us. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever be able to forget the looks of joy on your faces when I finished my first ever bowl of cereal and full cream (gasp) milk.<\/p>\n

Mummy, Daddy \u2013 you\u2019re both my rocks, my pillars of strength, my angels. Anorexia tried to kill me. But because you both never gave up on me, we can now look forward to creating many more amazing memories together as a family, rather than annual visits to a cemetery (sounds harsh doesn\u2019t it\u2026but that would\u2019ve been the reality if anorexia had won.)
\nOne day I\u2019ll find the best way of thanking you both. It\u2019s through you both that I can truly see the meaning of unconditional love. God shows unconditional love to his children, and you\u2019ve both shown unconditional love to me despite my anorexia.<\/p>\n

I love you Mummy and Daddy. Never forget that. I\u2019ll continue to fight anorexia, to fight and return to being the daughter you once knew.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s look towards the future together \u2013 the three of us, Stanley, and Melody. A brighter future full of memories and joy. I\u2019ll make you both proud one day, I promise.<\/p>\n

Love, <\/span><\/strong>
\nYour daughter, Tiff<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Mummy and Daddy, Thank you for never giving up on me. I don\u2019t think I would\u2019ve been able to get this far in my recovery from anorexia, without both of you by my side. You still love me even after everything I\u2019ve put you both through \u2013 all the tears, fights, the lies I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":48980,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[183,194,10],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18637"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=18637"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18637\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/48980"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=18637"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=18637"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/scaccmm.sarawakmethodist.org\/new\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=18637"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}