I have not written for the past 50 years. Today I am writing with a heavy heart to tell and witness the glory of God.
My husband, Rev Ting Ching Hua, suffered a stroke in 2016 and returned to Sarikei to recuperate in mid-June. He became quieter than before. Although his body was recuperating, he was showing a degeneration of his brains. In Jan 2018 he suffered a second stroke. He was weak with limp limbs and was bed-ridden for 3 months. He passed away peacefully in the afternoon of April 13.
It had been my prayer for God to take away a few years of my life in exchange for a longer life for him. I would have been happy with even 1-2 years. But God did not answer my prayer. I also prayed asking God to completely heal him. Out of my expectation God healed him in this way. God took away all his burdens and pains and took him home to be with God. It is a miracle that a weak person like me could withstand all these hardships and burdens. I must say the suffering of Job inspired and encouraged me.
In the past I had followed my late husband to conduct funeral services but never had I felt it so deeply. “Death” is now so real and tangible. Without him I am so lonely, lost, desperate and aimless like a ship without a rudder and anchor. No one can understand the deep pain I feel inside of me. Only someone who has lost his/her partner can realize how deep the grief can be.
In the past I had always been with him to attend weddings or funeral services, home visitations or other gatherings. We were always together. Now left alone, I feel like the sky has fallen apart. A few hours before he passed away, he suddenly opened his eyes, looked at me and said: “I am in pain.” It broke my heart and pained me greatly to hear him say that!
The first time I went to church after his passing away I automatically moved to make room for him. When I realized that it was my granddaughter sitting next to me, a strong feeling of sadness and loss overcame me.
Even so, I thank God for my family members and relatives for taking good care of me when he is no longer around with me. I will gradually come out from my grief.
Life without him is another milestone in my life. It is like what Job said: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” (Job 42:1-2) God will accompany me and guide me in the days to come. I know very well that we will meet again one day.