When we pick up a newspaper, it is almost a certainty that we will come across two to three cases on sex abuse every day. Even those below one year old or in kindergartens and primary schools are not spared. Cases also happen to those in secondary schools and women in the workplace. Whenever I come across these news, my heart cringes in pain. Sex abuse cases are on the rise, and there is no law that can fully protect women and children from this crime.
Recently a young Taiwanese writer Lin Yi Han wrote a novel about her own story. Then she committed suicide. Many comments were made on her story and on sex abuse. I have not read the novel but one day I read a similar article on Facebook and I was deeply troubled. That night I was sleepless and loads of memories flooded back. I then took the courage to write this article. By God’s grace that I did not take the path the young writer had taken.
A Wolf under A sheep’s Skin
When I was in primary one, I met a big sized BM teacher. He always had a handkerchief in his pocket as he was very sweaty. I could remember him vividly but I prefer not to. I had always been taught to be obedient–I mean, total obedience–to elders, teachers, and parents.
After our BM lesson, the pupils would return to their seats to do their exercise. I was called to the front and asked to lie down on the bench. I did it without any hesitation. While he caressed and touched my body, he asked about my lessons and praised me for being pretty and smart. Yes, I had met a ‘wolf-teacher’ but in my innocence and naivety, I was not aware of it at all. I thought I was being pampered and loved by this teacher. The teacher told me that he wished I was his daughter and I could stay over at his place. I told my mom about what the teacher said but she just ignored it and said nothing against it. I thought it was okay and I naively believed that my parents, the teachers and the adults could do no wrong. I thought that I was his pet student not knowing the underlying evil in him, a wolf under a sheep’s skin.
Thus, parents, be aware! If you ever hear such reports from your children, don’t think that your child is being pampered by the teacher, and not ask for more details. As my mom didn’t say anything, I thought it was a normal teacher-student relationship.
I was abused for two years not knowing I was being mistreated. Thank God that he was no longer our BM teacher from primary three onwards or else I might have been victimized even further. Sometimes I wonder why God let this happen to me. I don’t remember when I started to realize this was something bad. I still bitterly hate that BM teacher. I can’t forgive him.
Positive Discussion on Sex Education
I read an article written by Yajun, called “Six Unrevealed Facts about Sex abuse” which I would like to share here, hoping to alert all parents to have awareness on this matter. In this article Yajun says that, “As parents, we often educate our children to be good and obedient, but never give them any sex education and how to say ‘no’ to those who abuse them.” That is how I felt; if I had known then I would have said “No!” Please do not simply teach our children to be obedient and good but to teach them when and what to obey.
Parents and teachers should tell the children that adults also commit mistakes in words and deeds. Tell them especially if any adult wants them to lie down even with a lot of reasons, do not obey. If the adults told them to take down their panties, they should not listen. Even if they are people they know very well. They must immediately run away from the scene and tell someone what the adult intended to do to him or her. Teach our children about their body parts and never let anybody touch their body.
There are cases where the older cousins tricked the younger siblings by playing games like doctor and patient. They would ask them to open their clothes to check their body and private parts. They also played games as “couples” by touching the body. Thus, the youngsters were sexually abused without knowing it at all.
We have to teach young children that if the adults are holding them on their laps and they started to rub their thighs purposely on their butts or put their hands into their body or panties, they should quickly get down and run away. They should tell their parents about it. Touching any private part or any part of the body is not love but sex abuse.
Thus, as parents and teachers, we have the responsibility to teach our children what to listen to and obey. We need to teach them the correct attitude towards sex which is given by God, being made perfect in marriage for love and reproduction. Sex is ugly when it is not according to what the bible teaches. Parents should give their children age- appropriate sex education according to the teaching of the Bible in order to protect them from abuse.
Starting from age 5, children should be taught sex education. As children mature earlier nowadays, we should teach them properly as they start to get interested in their body. If they get the knowledge from somewhere else, it might be detrimental. Don’t feel awkward in telling your children about sex. It would be irresponsible to leave it solely to the school teachers to do it.
My Experience As A Deterrent
When my mother did not respond and react correctly those 30 years ago, I never brought this up with anyone, not even any of my family members. I chose to escape from this memory but I was deeply troubled especially when I have a niece now. I am worried sick about her growing up and meeting a teacher like mine. I am scared and restless suffering sleepless nights. Many times I have called my friends and wept, telling them how worried I am about my niece being a possible victim of such abuse. Not knowing my story, my friends think that I am over-reacting and tell me to stop worrying.
Recollecting all those terrifying moments makes me really depressed. Although I have tried to avoid thinking about it and never to recall it in details, the incident about the young Taiwanese writer, the article by Yajun as well as my young niece made me face this reality. I am shivering as I write to share my case but I take courage to do it to warn parents that they should take precaution and make sex education a point at home. And use the Bible as the basis of sex education.