IT was a rare opportunity to come back to my hometown Sibu for one and a half months. It was at this time that I heard lots of ‘stories’ from friends.

“There is a son who never bothers about the home, let alone taking care of the parents. The parents’ affairs are all taken care of by the daughter and the son-in-law. They look after the old couple and meet all the needs. When the couple passed away, they even took up the responsibility of the funeral matter as well as the expenses. The son-in-law had been more responsible than the son, yet with no complaints.”

“There is a family with four children. The children take care of the parents equally. When the parents were alive, they shared the burden of caring by sharing the expenses. When the parents were sick, they hired special nursing for them. Each child would take turn to go back to care for the parents without fail. The four children, sons or daughters, single or married, shared equally the responsibilities till the very end.”

“There is another family. When the father fell sick, one of the children never came back to visit the daddy. One child quickly applied to work outstation and lost contact. Another moved to another town. There left only one to carry the burden of looking after the sick father. He pays for the nursing home and visits him frequently.”

“There is a son; when the father had a stroke, he caringly took up the responsibility of looking after him without fail. He nursed him thoroughly, keeping him clean. He never complained or asked for reward. ”

I once heard a saying, “when a daughter is married, it is no longer her responsibility to look after her parents.” As I shared this concept with friends, they were shocked: “What nonsense is this? To provide for parents’ need is every child’s obligation, be it son or daughter, married or unmarried. They even asked where I got such absurd concept and scolded me for it.

A pastor once reminded me:

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially  for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8)

Many years ago at a Family Camp, the speaker, Rev Tie King Tai also taught us:

“As a Christian, we should provide for our parents more than non-Christians do.”

In the church, we teach our children to do tithing monthly. We should do the same for our parents as well. From the day we start working we should provide for our parents monthly till they leave us to the Lord.

“Honour your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (Deut 5: 16)

However, I also find that those who are labelled “unfilial” may not be as it appears, rather some of them are actually giving quietly to their parents. Even if they are misjudged and misunderstood, they choose not to defend themselves; they continue to care for their folks in their way. Who is filial? Who is not? We do not have to do it for the eyes of others.

What is important is that we truly love and care for our parents according to the commandments of our Lord!

Written by Lu Mei Ling, Hong Kong
Translated by Christina