Francis frankly told us that he had a male partner during his college days. He was serving in church then and so he felt he was living like a hypocrite. Living behind a mask, he was struggling until he had to make a choice to follow Christ or the world. Finally he gave God a chance to restore him.

On one occasion, during a seminar, Francis learnt about Pursuing Liberty Under Christ (PLUC), a Christian organization serving people who have gender confusion. A fellow brother in Christ who once struggled with the same problem shared with Francis on the changed life he experienced after receiving counselling with PLUC. He encouraged him to take up the challenge to go for counselling.

He said if he didn’t grasp the opportunity, he would regret it one day. So Francis plucked up his courage and contacted Rev. Tryphena Law Pek Leng and went through the counselling session.

During the interview, Francis was asked if he ever thought of telling his pastor or church leaders about his inclination of homosexuality. He said “no”. In his perception after admitting it, one may not be able to go back to church again. This is a very sensitive issue and people’s response tends to get intense. He did try to raise this topic and it was deemed to be obscene. From then he never discussed with anyone.

A Hurt in Life
Francis shared his process of becoming a homosexual and the hurt he endured. From his memory, his father was a vague figure in his life. He never experienced fatherly love. Due to his unfaithfulness, his father often quarrelled with his mom. As a child he often wept himself to sleep.

During his primary school days, he had low self-esteem. He felt he was different from other boys. While other boys were playing manly games and toys, he could not play any of them. Instead he loved to play with girls and that brought rejections from the boys. Some teased him for being girly.

When he was in primary four, a male teacher treated him like a son and he was close to him too. Later he was transferred and that made him very sad. He couldn’t understand why he was so sad at losing that teacher.

In secondary school, Francis soon found that he was attracted to male friends and realised his feminine side. He was frank that those boys who attracted him were those whom he wished to be like. He loved their manly character which he lacked.

In his college years, he had a male partner. They were like brothers at first. When the friendship grew, this male friend confessed that he was gay during a chat. Francis accepted him and started their relationship.

Learn to Let Go
They had been together for three year when Francis decided to end their relationship after going for counselling. To end that relationship was not easy and it was painful. To begin is easy, to end is hard. The most hurtful part was that he couldn’t do anything to protect his friend or share his pain.

The decision came one evening, as Francis was sharing his difficulties with his spiritual partner. He encouraged him to take the courage to let go of the relationship and to let God love him instead. The advice deeply touched him and thus strengthened his courage to put a full stop to the relationship.

Although the decision was made, it was hard for Francis to say goodbye. He delayed it for a few months until one day he heard as if someone was telling him, “Now is the time!” He believed it was God and so he met his partner to end the relationship.

After some time, he still felt lost and empty. Nevertheless, Francis was grateful to God that this sadness was not felt on the day of saying goodbye or else it would be hard for him to part. He might have wanted to continue the relationship and got stuck in the devil’s trap.

On looking back, Francis saw God’s grace along the path. To him, it was God who led him to know God when he joined BB in secondary school. God has healed his past wounds. He also thanked the church for their prayers and support, which helped him to be free from the bondage of homosexual life!

Note
With the help and support of two fatherly church elders for more than a year, Francis experienced the renewal of God. He is progressing in maturity. Praise the Lord!

Provided by ICB
Translated by Christina