CANDLEintheStorm: My Recovery Bucket List

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Before I write out my “Recovery Bucket List”, I know many of the things written may seem like normal everyday things to you. But to me, many of these items have become hard for me to accomplish due to anorexia.

When people go out for lunch with friends, their main worry would probably be something like…finding parking. But for someone with an eating disorder, going out for lunch would bring on a whole lot of negative thoughts.

“What will I eat?”
“Too many calories!!”
“I don’t need to eat!”
“If I eat that, I’ll need to restrict for
the rest of the week.” Etc.

Sounds absurd? Unfortunately, these thoughts are all too real, and very hard to deal with. They consume you and stop you from thinking rationally.

WOW! Another legitimate reason why I should beat anorexia! Like they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

My Recovery Bucket list:
• To reach a weight at which my body is physically happy and healthy
• Exercise for fun, not to burn calories
• Enjoy a meal with my family 100% anxiety free
• Spontaneously eat something
• Eat pizza with Melody
• Share a plate of Kampua noodles with daddy
• Eat KFC with mummy
• Eat laksa with Stanley
• Finish a portion of ice cream
• Order something from Starbucks (not black coffee)
• Order a milkshake/smoothie
• Eat an entire muffin/bakery item
• Enjoy a meal/dessert outing with friends
• Order food based on what I want – not on what anorexia wants
• Choosing to eat because I NEED to
• Not reading food labels whilst shopping
• Not to count calories
• Eat toast with spread
• Enjoy chocolate again
• Having the courage to try new/different foods with unknown calorie contents
• Eat cereal without measuring it out
• Enjoy pasta again
• Have a piece of someone’s birthday cake
• Add toppings to oatmeal and cook it with milk
• Not to fear oils and fats
• Not to fear carbohydrates (ie rice, noodles, bread, pasta etc.)
• To have no anxiety whilst eating around others
• Try different kinds of sushi without picking away the rice/sauce
• Learn to try red meat
• Not fear cheese/dairy products
• To have my hair not constantly fall out
• Not feel cold all the time
• To stop all forms of self-harm
• Make my family not worry about me anymore
• Raise awareness for eating disorders
• Help others struggling with similar issues
• Not be tempted to restrict or skip meals
• Stop comparing myself to others Long Term Bucket List:
• Graduate from university
• Participate in a charity fun run
• Go on study exchanges abroad
• Travel the world, experience new cultures
• Go on a mission trip
• Find a boyfriend (Ha…)
• Learn to love my body the way God created it
• Help others to embrace their inner beauty rather than focusing on their outer beauty
• Create lifetime memories in Uni
• Develop a closer relationship with God
• Not feel guilt after eating
• Donate blood (You cannot donate blood if you’re under 45kg)
• Speak at events, churches etc. to raise awareness and share my story
• Return to my old self – the daughter my parents knew and the sister my siblings knew before her eating disorder took over
• To try not to relapse into anorexia. But realising that even if I do, I am able to recognise it and walk out stronger than before.

Of course this list will be ever changing – things will be crossed off when completed, and new ones added. But this is just what I have compiled so far~

By Tiff