“I was so helpless. I was so helpless as I could do nothing at that very moment to keep him alive. It was a devastatingly painful moment to watch my 17 year old son collapse and die right in front of me.”
John Yong had once experienced his wife’s miscarriage. And now the sudden death of their only son at 17 was truly heart crushing for the couple. They were then stricken with doubt of the justice of God. However, God was near at this ordeal and never forsook them. The Holy Spirit led them into renewed understanding and their lives were different since then.
A year after his only son Kyrie passed away, the musician father John Yong revisited Sibu, his hometown, the place where he lost his son as well. He eventually unlocked his heart to let go of the grief and pain and planned to use music to express the wonderful deeds God has done in his life.
This is the interview between Wong Meng Lei (Q) the Chief Editor of Chinese Methodist Message and John Yong (A).
Q: After leaving Sibu, where did you go to pursue your musical dreams?
A: After secondary school, I left for USA in 1987. I studied music at The University of Central Oklahoma, majoring in stringed music. After four years I graduated and continued to Minnesota State University, Mankato (MNSU) to do my masters degree in composing.
After graduation, in 1992-1994, I taught stringed music at a musical academy in Sibu. From 1994 to 2000, I moved to Kuala Lumpur to teach music at different colleges, like University of Malaya, University of Agriculture, Sedaya College, Stamford College, Inti College, HELP, and Malaysia Art Institute.
In 2000, I went to USA once again for my PHD. My son was only one year old then. Owing to the 911 incident in 2011, my scholarship was reduced, so I could only afford to do my studies in Music Education. After graduation in 2003, I stayed on and settled in Texas until now. Hence, my son grew up in the US.
Q: Are you teaching music in the US?
A: I am an Orchestra Conductor. I also teach music in some schools. At first I taught children from 10 to 14. In recent years, I taught those from 14 to 18. My students are white, black, Asian, Mexican, Philip-pianos, and Indians. I have taught for about 14 years in the US.
Q: How did you get connected with Hwai Ang Methodist Church on “the Dream of the String” musical concert”?
A: In the last 10 years, I have come home to Sibu for holidays. I have always wished to be of some help in the music development in my hometown. In 2010, Ling Ping, a friend of mine as well as the Music Director of Hwai Ang MC, started a dream of orchestra concert. And it has been happening for 7 consecutive years. Apart from this, our orchestra also performed twice at the Borneo Cultural Festival and once at the New Year Count Down organized by the Municipal Town Council of Sibu.
Q: From your professional perspective, what are the prospects of music development locally?
A: There are quite a lot of musicians in Sibu. What they need is someone to bring them together. A single violin is not loud enough, if there were many, the sound will be louder.
In the US, the musical environment is nurtured by the schools that provide music classes. The students will be selected through each stage. But in Sarawak, parents send their children to music centres to learn music. And they are also willing to offer their gifts to serve in the church. I feel very grateful to the parents who have put in so much effort for their children in this area.
No sign of life in a flash
Q: To go further, can we talk about your son?
A: Sure, you can! My son’s name was Kyrie, a Latin name, meaning “be merciful to me, Lord”. It is also the first movement in the Gregorian chant.
Kyrie was born in 1999, the second child after our first miscarriage. We took him with us to the US when he was one year old. He loved Maths and was very good. He participated in many competitions, even in the National Mathematical Contests in the USA.
During his first competition, he said he dreamed of a strange light. From then onwards, he was champion in every competition he took part in. His ability had won him a place at MIT in 2016, a year before his high school graduation. And that was the year he passed away.
Kyrie was a very sensible child and a devout Christian. He joined Baptist Church cell group. His daily living was more righteous and honest than mine.He often corrected me: when I didn’t stop at the red light, he would tell me not to sin. He once told me that he had offered himself to God to be a pastor. We never expected that God would call him home in 2016.
Q: Can you tell us what happened that day?
A: It happened on 16 July 2016 at 11: 15pm. I went to fetch him at his maternal grandma’s house. When I reached the house, he just collapsed right at the front door and died.
I was completely lost not knowing what to do. I was continuously pleading to God but still God took him home. The pain was utterly unbearable!
Actually he had complained of chest pains a few days earlier but they were mild and they stopped. I took him to a doctor because he was having diarrhoea. The doctor said the pain might be caused by his stomach dis-comfort. There was no further ado as he was alright. Then he just collapsed in a flash on that day.
Q: Has the cause been diagnosed?
A: This is a common disease found in Asian male teenager called “Brugada syndrome”. The sudden death is caused by ventricular fibrillation, a disruption of the heart’s normal rhythm or irregular heartbeats. There are no symptoms before this.
The doctor said it was hereditary but we do not have such trace after check-up. So the doctor concluded it might be a defected gene.
Felt like God has left
Q: How did the death of your child change you and your wife’s life?
A: This sudden blow was too devastating. It was thus far the greatest blow in our lives.
My wife lost 20kg after Kyrie died, and I also lost 10 kg.
During the award-giving ceremony at Kyrie’s school, I was invited to attend this occasion as Kyrie was coming first in his batch. We couldn’t go because it was too heart breaking. It was supposedly his graduation and he was no more with us.
Instead we watched the whole process from the direct broadcast at home. The third position had now become the second position and he represented the students to make a speech. Usually , the students would dedicate their thanks to the parents for the wonderful 18 years of their nurture, but this Pilipino student, dedicated his gratitude to Kyrie, and said that he missed him . He shared Kyrie’s story with the audience. We were very touched.
Q: Heard that you did blame God about the death of your son, was is true?
A: I knew that although God had taken away my best, HE was with me though in tears. God must also be sad at heart to see me grieve. My child has gone to heaven but as parents who are still on the earth, it is so hard to part with him.
I also realized how God might have felt when He saw His son, Jesus Christ die on the cross. I could understand His feeling better now. When Kyrie collapsed, in the first five minutes, I was screaming while hugging him helplessly. Everything turned black in front of me. I felt God was leaving me. The pain was like when the veil in the temple split into two and thunder was roaring when Jesus died on the cross.
But Jesus was dead to return to the side of God, His Father; while I had to wait to meet my son again and only God knows when. To me it seemed so unfair.
I used to console others who had lost their children to stay strong, to let go; but when it happened to me, I felt sorry to have taken their sorrow so lightly. During a period of mourning, comforting words like asking them to remain strong are useless. They should be given time to be sad and bid farewell to their loved ones.
In fact my wife had been praying to let her feel that her son was still with her. Surprisingly, she dreamed of Kyrie smiling at her, waving to her as if telling her that he was okay. She felt at ease after that.
During the memorial service at Hwai Ang Methodist Church, Rev Chieng Puong Kui told us that he saw two rays of light, one shining on Kyrie’s chest and another on his feet. I did not know the meaning of this. Rev Chieng and my family are not acquainted. He came after seeing the news in the newspaper. All I knew was that when Kyrie was young, my wife would always help him wear socks and I would always hug him and pat his chest. I knew it might not mean anything specific but the vision brought comfort to my wife and I needed more enlightenment other than this.
Whisper of Mercy
Q: How did you overcome your grief through the years?
A: Honestly speaking, I still need God’s continual enlightenment.
There was one thing though. My wife is not a good singer and as I named my son after a song’s name. I have not let her hear this song yet and have never taught her how to sing it.
Surprisingly, during these recent weeks, she could hum this song which she said she had never learned before. When she sang it, she felt at peace. Yet this song is not easy to sing; without any musical background, one cannot grasp it, but she could!
This awakening brought a certain extent of balance and comfort to my heart.
Recently, my friends around me also faced some unfortunate happenings: a friend’s wife who had long been bed-ridden due to cancer passed away this year. Another friend’s son who had just graduated from university met an accident and died. All these were unforeseen incidents. My loss made me more sensitive to their pain and I was able to share their pain with empathy. Our similar experiences brought us closer together.
As for the making of music, I have always wondered how to use music as a tool to bring out the gospel message. Now I can use my music with Kyrie’s story to testify for the Lord.
At the recent “the Dream of the String” concert, I performed my creation “‘Whisper of Mercy”. In this song, I told the story of Kyrie. I received a response after the concert, telling me that he was greatly helped by my story. This was something I had never dreamed of.
The concert also brought me many surprises. Some unexpected acquaintances came to support me, and conveyed that they would love to work together with me. I believe this is the work of the Holy Spirit to make peace among us.
Like many other parents who have lost their child, we thought our lives are no longer meaningful as we have lost the purpose of living. But now, I feel that my life is more meaningful than ever as I can use my experience to comfort those in pain. I have just consoled a father whose son had committed suicide.
Q: What about your wife? Has she recovered?
A: She has done better than I as she has greater faith in God. She is helping others in more ways and has prayed for me. Owing to her, I have come out of my shell.
I find our God is truly wonderful. He unlocked the knot in my heart without my knowing. And thus I have decided to end my grief over my son on 31 July 2017. I will now work harder for the Lord by using my experience to accompany those facing the same situation.