1. Preamble
God created two institutions to build His Kingdom and advance His Gospel – the church and the family. God has also established distinctive jurisdictional responsibilities for both institutions to be engaged in the Great Commission.
“A Church After God’s Own Heart” was the theme of the Methodist Church Prayer Convention in 2018. The theme for the 2019 General Conference Laity Convention was “The Family After God’s Own Heart.” It is timely for us to consolidate what God has put in our hearts in connecting our church and our families for His sake. Most important of all, as His disciples, we must translate it into our church and family lives for His glory.
Honestly speaking, our church today is having less and less impact in the lives of its members. Many have been adopting the world’s life values as they feel that the Scripture is only selectively relevant to their lives. Many Christian families don’t realize their power and influence. We are losing our next generation. We have been attempting to provide a counterculture with our programdriven jam-packed church calendar with little avail.
During the General Conference Executive Council meeting in August 2019, the Family Intergenerational Discipleship (FID) Task Force was set up to ensure the vital ecclesiastical DNA change for generational integration and family discipleship. Such culture change is a momentous task and we should not do it in haste.
This write up is not meant to prescribe a method or church program. Its goal is to reorient us to create an environment to cultivate a FID culture in order to empower a FID movement. We need to create in our hearts a desire to change, to be realigned with God’s own heart. To start off, we must understand FID in the context of our church and family.
2. Terminology
2.1 Family
The family is God-ordained. It is constituted by marriage and composed of persons related to others by marriage, blood or adoption. Church is God’s family. It is God’s household consisting of all member families.
In the context of Scripture, Ron Hunter stated that ‘God defines family as generations of dads and moms influencing their children and grandchildren.’ As elaborated in Deuteronomy chapter 6 (D6), God intends parents to coach their kids toward spiritual growth so they in turn will do the same for their kids. In his book ‘The DNA of D6 – Building Blocks of Generational Discipleship,’ he advocates for a much broader understanding of ‘family’. The terms coaching ‘parents’ may suggest a dad and mom, stepparents, a single dad, a single mom, adoptive parents, or grandparents. Aunties and uncles are equally important stakeholders in the mission of intergenerational discipleship.
Hunter also pointed out that God wants the church to help shape the home, even if broken or damaged, into what He intends. Intergenerationality is interaction between members of different generations of all age. We must emphasize witnessing child baptism as a reminder of the role of the church as a community of faith in the intergenerational discipleship. The journey from child baptism to confirmation to being received into membership offers a great opportunity for discipleship, both for the parents and the church.
2.2 Family Discipleship
Family Discipleship is the faith-athome ministry that coordinates the function of the Christian household with the Church’s role in disciplemaking. Broadly speaking, it is a focused discipleship covering all life stages in the partnership of home and church.
Many of us are familiar with the term Family Ministry. This term has the prevailing connotation of just seminars/workshops that focus on knowledge transfer. We need to emphasize going beyond just that to application of truths learned – transformation of life at home. The focus is on discipleship – the process of growing in Christlikeness; family discipleship is growing in Christlikeness at home. Discipleship is therefore a lifestyle, a process to walk through, and a goal to aim at to the end. When Jesus commanded us to go and make disciples, it involved the whole process of winning people to Christ (evangelism), growing them up in Christ (discipleship), and then sending them out to repeat the process. Matthew 28:19-20 holds a command to “make disciples who can make disciples.” This is the sum of the church ministry itself.
“Family ministry is the process of coordinating a church’s practices so that all members develop diverse discipling relationships and so that parents are acknowledged, equipped, and held accountable as primary disciple-makers in their children’s lives.” Timothy Paul Jones based his definition on the twofold approaches, church-as-family (helping the church to interact more like a family) and family-as-church (helping every family to become like a little church) as the underlying dynamics. He writes schematically:
The church provides a context where parents are equipped to train their children in God’s ways, where children learn to live their faith in a larger community and through which believers are sent sharing the gospel throughout the world.
Parents disciple and train their children in ways that guide their children toward the gospel and leverage their children’s lives for the sake of Christ’s Kingdom.
We need to stress that the corporate church body is responsible for the holistic well-being of the member families. Therefore, the church community needs to take ownership to ensure that the homes they minister to are growing in all the pillars of a healthy family. Likewise, each family should recognize that they are accountable to the corporate church for how they live. Home should no longer be a secret place out of bound of the church leadership and other members of the congregation. Of course, the church and the home have to work out the nature of their own respective spaces for interactions based on biblical jurisdictions.
3. Theological
Foundation
The Bible tells us not only what God wants with FID, but also how to do it, and who should do it. Rob Rienow emphasized this under The Sufficiency of Scripture in his book “Limited Church:Unlimited Kingdom – Uniting Church and Family in the Great Commission.”
We also need to be clear of the purposes and the unique jurisdictional callings for the church and the family. Rienow pointed out that if the church oversteps its bounds, families will suffer a loss of resources, time and motivation to do what God created them to do.
Rienow categorized the mission of the local church into four: Worship God, preach the Bible, care for believers and equip believers for works of ministry. The equipping for discipleship shall start with the personal love relationship with God, followed by ministry to our families. Healthy families will then be ready to be an extraordinary blessing to the local church which in turn will influence the community and beyond.
On His Kingdom purposes for the family, Rienow stated three theological foundations on Family Ministry:
a. God created families to be discipleship centers. (Genesis 1:28, 9:1; Exodus 20:12; Joshua 24:14-15; Proverbs 1:8, 7:1; Ephesians 6:2-3)
b. The biblical purpose of parenting and grand parenting is to impress the hearts of children with the love of God. (Deuteronomy 6:5-7, 11:1-12, 30:19-20; Psalm 78:1-8; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4)
c. God created the family as an essential engine of world evangelization through the power of multigenerational faithfulness. (Genesis 17:7, 18:18; Matthew 28:18-20; Acts 2:36-39, 16:30-34)
We have been so drawn into program-centred culture with its age or generation-segregated structures yet not producing the expected disciples. We need to return to the biblical model in redeeming our generations with a FID movement. Our church needs a philosophical overhaul.
4. Home-Centered ChurSupported Discipleship
We are not trying to introduce a new curriculum to our already overwhelmed church activities. However, in order to implement FID, it is imperative for us to shift from “church-centered, home-supported” ministry to “home-centered, church-supported” ministry. We must not deny that our present program driven approach to disciple-making has not been effective in equipping our parents to disciple their children.
In his book “A Family-Friendly Church,” Rev Jeyakumar gives us a clear comparison of the characteristics of a “Church-centered, home supported” ministry in our local context as compared to the desired “home-centered, church supported” ministry.
In the midst of strong emphasis on family discipleship via parenting, we must not neglect discipleship in marriage. It is mandatory to look into discipleship in the context of marriage in laying a strong foundation for family discipleship of the next generation. The last survey of TRAC churches in 2014 on family needs shows that while about 75% do read their Bible by themselves, only about 30% do so with their spouse, 70% have some concentrated prayer time by themselves but only about 37% do so with their spouse outside of meal times. If the foundations of spiritual disciplines are not strong at the marriage level, we will lack a strong context for family discipleship. The same survey shows only about 26% having family devotions, about 48% talk about spiritual values to their children, and about 44% pray with their children. We need to strongly address the marriages as well. Only parents with a strong marriage are competent to be disciplers at home.
Parents
are the primary educators in the church, and the family is the Godordained institution for faith building in children and youth and for the passing of faith from one generation to the next.” It’s God’s call to parents and grandparents to be the primary disciplers of their children. God has also entrusted the local church with the mission to train and equip parents for family discipleship.
In the home-centred faith-development model, homes will be the nurturing and discipleship centres. The church plays the role of a teacher training centre for parents and as a generating station supplying God’s energy and love, equipping homes as lighthouses in their neighborhood. The restored culture will envisage not only kingdom built at home but also kingdom built in the communities through missional families. Such transformation requires a culture
shift.
5. Making the Culture Shift
Culture dictates how we do things. It is the most crucial component in the church, and it can defeat the best strategies we adopt. A culture shift involves a change in our values, beliefs and behaviors practiced over years. Successful and sustainable implementation of our FID plans depends greatly on the outcome of our church culture shift.
Reversing an entrenched mind-set to embrace FID culture is an uphill task. Change is not only hard; it also takes time. Before embarking on the culture shift process, we need to first engage the stakeholders – church leaders, congregations and families.
John Kotter’s Change Model may be applied for our church culture change process.
Over the last two years, we have been creating an environment for change in the church, at least at the leadership level. The next step is to engage and enable the whole church before its implementation.
6. Practical Guidelines
First, we need to establish the ministry framework for the different connected Conferences.
6.1 General Conference:
The FID Task Force is represented by all Annual Conferences with its parameters as follows:
a. To ensure continuation of the momentum of this emphasis.
b. To evaluate/survey/review the overall situation of the Methodist Church in Malaysia vis-a-vis this needed emphasis.
c. To make relevant/workable recommendations/proposals thereafter.
d. To network with D6 movement and between Annual Conferences.
6.2 Annual Conference:
a. To form the Family Discipleship Task Force, collaborating between relevant boards. SCAC has formed its Task Force with representatives from the Boards of Laity, Christian Education, Counselling & Family Wellness and Worship & Music.
b. To network with GC FID Task Force especially concerning shared resources.
c. To organize seminars/talks for stakeholders to reinforce the emphasis.
d. To oversee the paradigm shift in FID ministry and ensure its sustainability in its implementation at the local churches.
6.3 Local Church
Understanding Jones’s church-as-family and family-as-church dynamics will help us to restructure our corporate discipleship.
Under the restored church culture, all areas will be incorporated. As Jones put it in his book “Practical Family Ministry,” the Church will thus be a Family:
• by equipping parents,
• for emerging adults,
• for blended families,
• by giving grandparents a vision for the generations and
• for senior adults.
context for worship, evangelism, discipleship, and as a place for spiritual nourishment and family on mission.
Suggested guidelines:
Specific action plans listed are suggestions for reference. They are workable for some churches but may not be as workable for others, depending on the resources available.
Adequate preparation is the key to effective implementation. While some churches may be able to take immediate action, others may have to wait according to its timeline.
For ease of reference for the sequence of executing individual suggestions, they are categorized according to the three main stages as shown on the change model above:
> CCC (1-3) – Creating a Climate for Change
> EEWO (4-6) – Engaging and Enabling the Whole Organization
> ISC (7-8) – Implementing and Sustaining Change
a. To initiate a Family Discipleship (FD) Task Force(CCC2)
• willingness to survey, evaluate and meet regularly.
• team members shall be accountable to their own families.
b. To captivate the stakeholders with the vision and burden (CCC1&3)
• sermon series, talks, books, small group studies and other resources on FD.
• participation in D6 conference or other Family Ministry seminars.
c. To promote intergenerational/multigenerational connections and integration (EEWO 4&5)
• include entire families in the corporate worship service.
• promote church family camp and personal family retreat/holiday – teaching them how to grow together at home.
• encourage family connections by grouping families according to the life stages of their children for recreation, devotions and family activities.
• turn youth retreat into family retreat, and youth mission trip into family mission trip.
• turn small groups in homes to be come family groups in homes.
• connect children and teenagers whose parents are not believers to a church family culture.
• senior couples to mentor newly married couples and singles.
• senior adults to adopt families to provide support and training for parents.
c. To make a Family Discipleship calendar based on life stages and priorities (EEWO 4&5)
• design weekly church calendar involving all ages for all families, e.g. using D6 format.
• the whole church following a common devotion for all age groups, e.g. using D6 curriculum.
d. To train and equip parents as primary disciplers at home (EEWO 4&5)
• promote family life education/courses – on healthy marriage and parenting practices, e.g. the Alpha series.
• encourage parents in the practice of family altars.
• equip parents to lead family worship with the provided devotional resources.
• launch a family prayer movement.
• Sunday School to distribute the next week’s “Take the Lead” handout to parents. Parents to read and discuss the Scripture as a family in preparation for the next lesson.
e. To recognize, encourage and complement Home Discipleship (EEWO 5&6)
• complement what happens at home and church with testimony sharing.
• evaluate FM progress and resolve the challenges.
f. To develop champions for various life stages and special ministries (EEWO 5/ISC 7)
• identify and build up leaders for ministries to pre-teens, teens, pre-marriage, marriage, parenting, singles, empty nesters and grand parents.
• organize ‘Date a Mate’ and premarital courses with spiritual cou ples as future mentors.
• address the needs of the special ministries, e.g. on singlehood.
g. To encourage families for missional ventures to neighborhood (EEWO 4&5)
• connect on common concerns.
• invite neighbors for birthday, Christmas, etc.
• work together to meet the needs of widows, orphans and the poor.
• hospitality evangelism by hosting home neighborhood bible club. This list will be extended in future with more FID experience.
7. The Path Ahead
Some may feel that a “family-centered, church-supported” discipleship model is too idealistic and is not going to work in our context. Yet there are others who have obviously seen the fault lines emerging between generations and are overwhelmed by the challenge. Haven’t we seen what God has said about this issue in the Bible? We should not resist moving away from our pragmatic programs that have been focusing on numeric growth rather than the Scripture and theology.
Seeing the spiritual decline in church and family is heart-breaking! Where do we go from here? First, we must repent. Repent of our past meddling in the Great Commission with our own human wisdom and innovations and missing the Divine design for our church and families. We shall also start to evaluate intentionally the plethora of our church activities, especially those which may not be in line with God’s intention. Subsequently, we will need to go into further details with Position Papers on the key beliefs and values, the dynamics of family discipleship and the way to cultivate it as a culture in our church network.
There are other barriers we need to overcome besides our initial scepticism. Some do not feel the urgency, while others are illiterate of the commands in the Scripture and prefer to stay status quo on the traditional church culture. A few have the fear of abdicating their influence in church, worrying that such a shift will threaten their bureaucratic authority. The greatest obstacle is still our fear of change. Some even reckon introduction of Family Discipleship itself will not only cause a stir but will even lead to division in the local church. Certainly we must make a conscious effort to gather and not to divide.
Moreover, this movement is relatively new to us and we are just getting into the momentum. There are not many model D6 churches which can be our reference. The reference books listed below are resources available to enrich us. Don’t miss the coming D6 Conference in Malaysia/Singapore and the future Family Discipleship Seminars. Furthermore, we believe we need to consider enlarging ‘the pool of allies’ for our mission in seeking the change of the DNA of the church.
May the Lord help us to close the gap between church and home and restore us in His way of Family Discipleship to His glory.
References:
1. GCLC 2019 “The Church After God’s Own Heart” – talks and responses.
2. D6 Conference Malaysia 2019 “Redeeming the Generations” – talks and responses.
3. Ben Freudenburg, The Family Friendly Church (Loveland, Co: Group Publishing, Inc., 1998).
4. Jeyakumar T. A Family- Friendly Church (Kuala Lumpur: Faith Books, 2015).
5. Rob Rienow, Limited Church Unlimited Kingdom (Nashville: Randall House, 2013).
6. Ron Hunter, The DNA of D6 (Nashville: Randall House Publication, 2015).
7. Timothy Paul Jones & John David Tren tham, Practical Family Ministry (Nashville: Randall House, 2015).
By Dr Wong Sung Ging
Lay Leader of SCAC