I am at that stage of life. Friends and peers, left and right, are get¬ting into relationships, getting
engaged, getting married, having babies. In fact, I have been at this stage of life ever since probably the second or third year of university. Re¬cently, it has peaked, and probably will remain like this for several more years. Social media amplifies all of it, leaving a trail of excitement, delight, some indifference, and occasionally, bitterness. And then there are friends who are still single and craving for a boyfriend/girlfriend. There are those who feel left out, lonely, discontent, dissatisfied, and sometimes maybe even desperate.

The other day, I stumbled upon this article entitled “Marriage in Light of Forever” from the Gospel Coalition website. Penned in the format of an interview, the writer Matt Smethurst asks Francis and Lisa Chan questions about Christian marriages and singleness.

Below is an extract from the article*:
“What’s the greatest problem you perceive in typical Christian mar-riages?
Forgetting the whole point of their existence. We’ve witnessed many singles fervently serve God until their marriage day, at which point one of two things happens: (1)

they enjoy each other so much that they spend almost all their free time entertaining each other rather than serving God; or (2) they struggle in their relationship and spend their days arguing, going to counseling, and feeling disqualified from serving God. In either case, the couple no longer spend their time furthering the kingdom, but instead fixate on one another.

We must remember we weren’t created to merely enjoy our¬selves. Colossians 1: 16 declares that we were created by Christ and for Christ. Paul also warned that ifwe are not careful, marriage will keep us from securing “undi¬vided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:35). Too many couples make decisions based on the pursuit of pleasure rather than the pur¬suit of the kingdom. We too often don’t surrender and ask God what would be most effective. Instead, we live where we want, drive what we want, have as many kids as we want. And we somehow con¬vince ourselves this isn’t selfish¬ness because there are two of us involved now.

It’s not that God doesn’t want us to be happy. In fact, surrender¬ing to a kingdom-first mindset actually brings us greater fulfill¬ment. When we seek his mission

together, greater union with each other becomes the byproduct. J¬sus came that we could have life to the full (John 10:10). But we need to remember that the goal of marriage isn’t mere happiness. It’s very possible to have a happy and worthless marriage. It’s possible to waste your life merely en¬joying your spouse and children, then stand before God realizing you didn’t give yourself to his Great Commission.”

Marriage is not about finding happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction through another person. Marriage is really about Christ, and glorifying Him. The truth is, no human being is capable of completely satisfying an¬other fellow being and if that is what we look for in a partner, we will end up disappointed. That is why lear¬ing to be content when one is single is important. True and full contentedness is found in Christ alone be¬cause we most definitely cannot find fulfillment in ourselves or others, as imperfect we are.

You see, singleness is a gift, just like marriage is a gift too. Too often, singleness has been portrayed as something to avoid, and something that is not good. We have been brain-washed into thinking that singleness means we are not good enough; we are not wanted; we are not attractive enough. But we fail to see that singleness is a gift, and that it does not mean unfairness. For the Chris¬tian, it means much focus can be on serving God and His people. It is a great gift to be able to serve God like that, and there is great joy in seeing God work. The apostle Paul himself was single and he talked about singleness and marriage in light of the Kingdom of God in 1 Corinthians 7.

So until one can be content in Christ alone, one is very possibly not quite ready for a marriage that glorifies God and works for His kingdom pur¬poses. That applies to all singles, whether they are in a relationship or not. For sure, there are temptations and challenges almost every single day, if not every day. Nobody said it was easy, but I am saying that it is al¬right to be single and that we should fight for contentment in that season, for discontentment is a dangerous thing. It can lead to jealousy, bitterness, ruthlessness, and even depression, which are notorious ingre-dients for disrupting relationships.

God is gracious, however, and He works and teaches His children ac-cording to His good purpose. There is no doubt that He can use us as broken as we are. And by God’s grace, I am still learning gradually how to be focused and fixated on God’s kingdom purpose in every¬thing aspect of my life, be it relation¬ships, work, or church. It is a daily decision to make and a daily battle to fight – to die to ourselves and to pick up our cross and follow Jesus. And we can take heart, because the Holy Spirit gives us that strength and grace to carry on in a manner that glorifies God.

*The article “Marriage in Light of Eternity” can be found at www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/marriage-in-light-forever/

Jan Tie