MARRIAGEmatter
“In your daily routine, is the time you spend on your phone longer than the time with your spouse? Do you spend all your time on your smart phone or computer so that you neglect your family?”
Rev Tony Chieng Tai Ming shared his message online to remind everyone to be cautious of using electronic products and be mindful on how to overcome marriage challenges in this e-era.
Caution in using e-products
Rev Tony Chieng said, we all know that it is an electronic age; it is also an evil e-era. “Therefore, watch carefully how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the times, because the days are evil. Therefore, don’t be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:15-17)
In this e-era, we are loaded with electronic gadgets which are evolving constantly. Therefore，we have to be extra careful not to replace the priority of our Lord in our lives with these products.
There is a modern saying which goes, “If you have a problem with knowledge, Google has all the answers; if one is having a marriage problem, you can tell from their hand phone.” In other words, you can tell a couple is true to each other from their usage of the hand phone.
If we know how to use the e-products wisely, they are a blessing to us; if misused, they are like thieves breaking into our lives to steal and kill and destroy.
The aims of these inventions by the inventors are to enhance our lives, to help us to ease our work load, so that we have more time with our family, but it turns out to be the opposite!
In this e-era, the way we use these products will profoundly impact our lives and the outcome is clear! Thus, Rev Tony reminded brothers and sisters in Christ “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8)
Marriage is
like Mountain Climbing
During his live stream, Rev Tony recommended a 2019 US movie, “Marriage Story”. The movie was about the conflicts between spouses, their misunderstandings and their hurts in realistic situations. ‘Problems in marriage are not one sided. Often we tend to point the finger at our spouse and accuse him/her.’
Besides, Rev Tony also quoted from a book “Sacred Marriage”, a couple needs nine to fourteen years to create and mould a married life. If a couple divorces within 3-4 years, it would be sad and a pity as they have not started to get the real taste of marriage. Marriage is like mountain climbing. If you give up half way, you won’t enjoy the view at the top.
We are all sinners. Then, is marriage an union of two sinners? Is marriage holy? Rev Tony stressed that marriage is holy according to the Lord. God put a man and a woman together, to assist and to mould each other to be one body; they learn to mend in the spirit, to complement each other so that they will be more complete, more pleasing to the Lord. “No matter how much hurt and disappointment we have experienced in our marriage, we can still be renewed and recovered in our Lord Jesus.”
Enhance the Affection
between Spouses
Rev Tony believed that there is no problem too big to be solved. What matters is, are you willing to solve the problem. For example, if you bought a new hand phone, and there was a problem, you would find the solution through the internet; however, when a problem arises in marriage, are you willing to spend time and find resources to solve it, or find other better means to resolve it.
Rev Tong used the word “FRIENDSHIP” to help us to enhance the relationship between spouses.
F: Find Fun Things to Do Together — engage in fun activities that involve both parties, like taking baths together, going for picnics, dining out etc.
R: Respect One Another with Your Words — use choice of words with care while giving advice or comment or words of enhancement to boost morale and prepare amiable communication situation.
I: Include Your Spouse’s Ideas in the Plan — all decision making should not be finalized based on only one party but to include your spouse as well.
E: Enjoy Life by Rediscovering Laughter — deliberately collect some entertaining information which you can share with your spouse by the end of the day.
N: Notice the Small Things a Spouse Does — when your spouse does something, remember to praise or thank her/him, even if it is a small thing.
D: Dole Out the Cash — the secret to handle money correctly is to be “fair” for both parties. When there is an imbalance in distribution of money, there would be underlying emotional hurt to the lesser party.
S: Sympathize with One Another — spouses are to increase happiness and decrease worries in marriage.
H: Help One Another — as for domestic chores, the couple should try to assist each other, compensating the lack of the other.
I: Isolate Yourselves — the couple should have their own private time alone and enjoy being with oneself.
P: Publicly Proclaim Appreciation — when you occasionally heard from others the praises your spouse had said about you, it is such a delightful thing to hear!
“Living in the e-era, people are willing to spend a lot of time on their electronic products, but sadly, not in building human relationships. In fact, we should be chasing after another ‘e’, namely ‘eternity’. Spouses should share and enjoy each other in pursuing eternal relationship. ”