BOOKreview
Name of book:
The Peacemaker – A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict
Author: Ken Sande
The following are some of my personal reflections and interactions with the Peacemaker by Ken Sande.
I have found the Peacemaker to be a very helpful guide to help Christians (and perhaps non-Christians) in resolving conflict. Conflicts are so common that they involve Christians and non-Christians alike. In some cases Christians are just as guilty as non-Christians in letting conflicts lead to undesirable consequences. Many non-Christian families end up in divorce. So do many Christian families. The Lord exhorts us to be the salt as well as light of the world (Matt. 5:13-14). How could we effectively play this role of influencing the world?
Resolving conflicts peacefully is one of the most effective ways of witnessing for the Lord. In this book, Sande continually reminds us that conflict is a great opportunity to see the Gospel lived out in radical ways. By this God is glorified in ways the world cannot explain. This, Sande stressed, is the focus and ultimate goal of all peacemaking: “Whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” (1 Cor. 10:31). How does peacemaking influence the secular world? One way is through the positive results of such peacemaking.
People generally respond to conflict in two ways: either attack or escape. Each response comes in degrees. Escape may be manifested in increasing levels of intensity by denial, flight, or suicide. Attack may appear as assault, litigation or murder. It is worth noting that the extremes of both responses end in death (suicide or murder). Here without the additional spiritual help, particularly in the form of the Word of God, the non-Christians would be more prone to succumb to fatal and tragic consequences of conflict. This is particularly obvious in my city, with rampant gang fights among warring factions of the under-word societies. The newspapers are full of their tragic stories and brutal killings, as each party seeks revenge as a means to settle scores and the conflict continues simmering beneath the surface only to erupt again in the future.
Three dimensions
I find the peace that comes from peacemaking has three dimensions viz. peace with God, peace with others and peace with self.
The way a person deals with conflict reveals what he thinks about God. People who believe God is sovereign and good have more options in dealing with conflict than those who do not. Hence Christians are able to view conflict as being rich with opportunities for glorifying God, for serving others and for personal growth. All this is generally not available to the non-Christians. However, even those who have no interest in peace with God (non-believers) or with others are still interested in peace with themselves.
Furthermore, churches have a role in peacemaking and are able to achieve results that are difficult or impossible to obtain in legal channels (which are the usual means used by non-Christians), because these channels cannot get at the underlying problems and may actually make them worse. Churches on the other hand, can address issues earlier, bring a wider variety of resources to bear on conflicts, and work out more complete and effective solutions than the legal system. Here lies the attraction of Sande’s peacemaking method for the non-Christians. This gives us an opportunity for influencing them. It gives us an opportunity for peacemaking with them. If we can bring the benefits of biblical peacemaking to non-Christian families/groups that are in conflict we stand a good chance later to bring them to Christ.
The focus of the book is on individual peacemaking, and the principles are applicable to any context. It is based heavily on scripture, and is full of examples from Sande’s experience as an attorney and mediator. Step-by-step guidance is given for conflict assessment, self-examination, confession, confrontation, third-party conciliation, church discipline, reconciliation, forgiveness, and so on. The Peacemaker’s Checklist in the appendix summarizes the book’s content into a practical format. Hence I think this book is one of the most practical sources available to help individual Christians follow Christ in resolving conflicts. Often in a conflict, one would tend to hold the “I must look out for my rights and win this argument” attitude. But Sande tries to shift our mental paradigm through the 4Gs, to a “I, who am sinful must seek to do God’s will and look out for that person’s interest as well as my own”. To this end, Sande basically takes the warring parties through a recognition that we are all sinful, so there is no room to artificially build ourselves up. Sincere kindness is the way to disarm our opponent.
A neglected role
Like most churches in Malaysia, our Methodist Church generally has a neglected role in peacemaking. Having applied Sande’s teachings in conflict coaching and mediation on the individual level, I now appreciate more fully why our Lord promises blessings to peacemakers. Having gone through this book (and the whole Peacemaking Course) I would recommend my own church to consider teaching classes based on Sande’s book as the basic text, so that church members can more actively sow in peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. It is my sincere hope that those involved in conflict can turn it into an opportunity to strengthen relationships, preserve valuable resources, and make their lives a testimony to the love and power of Christ.
Most of Peacemaker is devoted to technique. Sande obviously sees proper technique as critical to peacemaking. I agree with him. Obviously knowing what, when, why, and how to overlook, confront, defer, forgive, apologize, confess, and refer offenses can make the difference between success and failure.
The book is an appropriate answer to pastors like myself, congregational leaders, and other believers who are seeking a biblical response to conflict in the church, for although Sande’s modern day examples generally involve large conflicts on the verge of a lawsuit, there is much which applies to lesser conflicts at work and with family such as the mediation case I dealt with recently involving a young couple. Retrospectively, I recollect a case of financial embezzlement of church funds involving the senior pastor and the church treasurer 10 years ago. The case ended up with the treasurer still at loggerheads with the pastor and the church even to this day. This book would have been extremely helpful years ago.
Conflicts as
opportunities
Finally, the Peacemaker makes me feel empowered to incorporate God’s word into conflict. This opens the door to how God in His word has given his people practical guidance on all aspects of life. It causes me to view conflict as an opportunity rather than a hindrance. On the personal level, I didn’t realize I was being a “Peace Faker” when dealing with conflicts in my own family. I thought I was doing the right thing in continually overlooking offenses or avoiding arguments. After reading this book I paid more attention to what the Bible says about conflict and how it should be resolved. I realized that I was not allowing God to use me to speak His truth into the lives of the people He had placed around me, particularly my wife and my children. Hitherto, I was content with everyone just getting along instead of growing more like Christ. But now, through this book, God has transformed my way of dealing with conflict. Now I ask God to show me when to show His mercy and grace by overlooking an offense, and when to speak His truth in love. As a result, I have new courage to accept conflicts as opportunities to glorify God by pursuing peace. When people ask me for peacemaking help, I feel now I am better equipped to do so. It has given me added confidence as a pastor, to be used by God in the area of peacemaking in my church.